Ranger’s Adventures

Dear Readers. This is an old column about one of my favorite foster dogs. The woman who owns this dog gave me my crazy parrot, “Tinkerbell” and I gave her “Ranger”. Almost six years later, we still wonder who ended up with the better trade.

The lady has been kind of busy so I thought I would help her out with her column. Besides, I have plenty to say about how the cats get special treatment around here over me. I came to live here about a month ago and I have been introduced to a lot of people. I am told that I am waiting for my ‘forever home’; whatever that means. I don’t mind it here but I always seem to be in trouble and I just don’t see what the big deal is. The cats jump on the counter ALL THE TIME. If I get on the reception desk then the front reception counter and try to fly out the front door from 5 feet off the floor, you would think the world was ending the way people start yelling at me. The cats do this ALL DAY LONG and they get treats and scratched behind the ears!!! Even though I am a hefty long haired dachshund mix, I can jump just as well as they can. Besides, so what if I want to go next door to the automotive shop and sniff the trash cans? I am not bothering anybody. In fact, I am no trouble at all because If I don’t find what I am looking for in everyone’s purses, I just get in the trash and I don’t ask for any help. But the cats??? All they have to do is look at someone and they jump up and give them this really great smelling stuff from a tiny can. I have tried and tried to taste it but they always put it in the back of the cage and the big trash can is too tall for me to get into. The other day I was on the counter stuck between the small refrigerator and the wall and I couldn’t get out. The lady was SO MAD. She told another lady ‘Ranger is in danger of being given to a stranger’. Whatever that means. But like I said, her precious cats can do no wrong. And at her house? It’s the same thing! If I run out the door and run down the street I get punished and they put this long rope thing on my neck like a criminal, but the cats just wonder in and out all day.

Once after dinner I got on the dining room table and the Man was furious. I wasn’t begging or bothering anyone, I just wanted a snack! That was when I discovered this is a conspiracy. Now I see the man AND the lady allow the cats to jump on the table or the counter or whatever but not me! And the whole bathing and brushing thing is ridiculous. I have had to take a bath about three times and I have NEVER seen those cats all soaped up and made to sit with this air thing blowing on them. The other thing I am trying to understand is this business about having to “sit’ for a treat. That confirms my suspicion about a conspiracy because everyone makes me do this. I am only 4 inches off the ground, why do I have to sit? And of course NONE of the cats I have met do anything anyone asks! In fact, they ignore people most of the time and still get treated like royalty. Don’t get me wrong. The cats seem nice enough and I really like the girl and the man at the lady’s house, but I just wish they would let me do what the cats do. Maybe I am having an identity crisis. Maybe I should have been born a Feral cat. I could get into any dumpster I choose and run all over the place. That would be so cool. And I would never have to take a bath. On second thought, it is kind of nice to have a bed to sleep in and now that I think of it, I do get to ride in the car and the cats don’t. I have to admit the Lady is very kind to me, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that I am expected to behave a certain way because the lady says I need love and discipline. Whatever that means. So, thanks for listening, I will let you know if things change, but from the looks of it. The cats definitely get the better deal around here. Yours, “Ranger”.

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